The yay/boo’s… like win/lose… like good/bad… like ugly/nasty ugly…. just another one of Philip’s word selections to describe life happening all around me… then, all I need, is for someone to tell me how all those boo’s, losses, bad’s and nasty uglies are happening because God is mad at me… get your act together Wolff before He really smashes you… you have nothing to offer anybody Wolff… you have no life in you… straighten up and fly right… before it’s too late. That’s when that spirit of despair jumps all over you..
I had gotten there several times back about 20 years ago… here I was, after serving God with all my heart for 30 years, one morning, driving to work, that spirit of despair brought along his buddy, the spirit of suicide and I felt so useless to God I was ready to just drive right off the road and end it…. so glad I didn’t.
It was back all over me again in June of 1999… that story I’ve told many times… having my pity party with God while I was painting our picket fence… and God spoke… so loving… so gentle… pouring His oil of joy all over me and covering me with His garment of praise… then He set that crown of beauty on my head… oh my…. what an experience…. despair has never come back.
Not when I had my heart zapped back into rhythm… not when my sugar went ballistic to 419… not when I was having to use a wheelchair to move around… not with any of the 3 cellulitis infections putting me in the hospital… or my ambulance trip to Burlngton with the nosebleed… not thru the horror of our buyer backing out of our sale the night before our closing was to happen… or the decision we recently made to just shut down what we have been doing the last 18 years…
And not 2 hours ago either, when I jumped out of bed struggling to breathe…. oh… that foul spirit does come swinging by with all his lies and accusations… only it doesn’t work any more… so here I am writing away and telling anyone who wants to read this… just how that beast is defeated and can never get back in again… because I know how much God loves me… and you.