Philip – 10-27-99
Oh God, my God… how I long to know You…
How I long to know you…
Sometimes it seems forever…
Forever my heart has been going out towards You…
To know You… to touch You… to walk with You…
To hear Your voice… to see Your face.
Again and again I have cried out to You.
David was held before me as the example.
He was the man “after Your own heart”.
It was the Davids You longed for… the Davids that You wanted.
The Davids were those special people, those special servants,
Who gave their lives to You in some unique way.
So I cried to the Lord…. I am Yours.
I am Your David.
I will serve You.
What will You have me to do?
I will do this Lord and I will do that.
I will do the other also.
How about this Lord? Or surely that?
Now that would truly be good to do!
Oh God, my God…what would You have me to do?
I thank you Lord, that in your great mercy,
You have shown the lie
And in your loving response,
Have answered my heart’s cry.
After years of striving, trying, doing
You have answered the cry
And revealed the lie
With your relentless wooing.
For David was in no way special.
An ordinary man was he.
Just like any one of us… nothing special.
Adulterer, murderer, complainer,
Centered in himself, his circumstances, his enemies…
Angry or tormented at times… even given to despair….
And so I ask…
Was this the kind of heart…
You were after?
In Your incredible love and gentle way,
You told me that there are simply …
Men’s hearts are just that way.
And there, Philip, you have the reason,
I sent My Son that day.
That We might have your heart
And every other heart as well.
David’s secret was not that he was special
Or the total servant you envisioned
But rather was pursuing…
With all his being…
David was a man…
Who was “after” My heart.
I have made My heart available
To any who would seek it.
To any who will go after it.
To any who will exchange their heart of stone
For My heart,
I will freely give My heart.
It is yours…forever…
If you will give me your heart…
I will give you Mine.
After all these years, I finally see (having truly once been blind)
That what You want is simply me….the same way I want You.
You actually want to be with me…not just that I want to be with you.
Your desire to speak with me is far greater than mine to speak with You.
Your desire to walk with me… much more than mine to walk with You.
Every moment… every day…
So what I do is meaningless to You.
All my busy doing of things for you…
has actually kept me from You…I ask you for grace
To stop all the doing…
For it is in the stillness…in the quiet place we meet…
That we might walk together all the day
In whatever it is that You give me…
To occupy that day.
You love me no more nor less than every other person you have created.
It has nothing to do with what I do but only with who You are.
The eternal, all consuming fire of passionate love for all humanity.
For You created us just the way we are, no one of us special…
Or greater than another…simply, uniquely us… created in your image.
You do not know one better than any other. You simply know us all.
I sing the words of another Psalmist,
“You know who I am…You made who I am…You love who I am…”
What an incredible love.
Oh God, my God…thank You for Your indescribable gift…
Thank you for Your incredible love,
That indescribable gift of Love,
Your only Son.
Lord give me a heart that is after your heart.
A heart that longs for your heart…pursues your heart…
Replace my heart with Yours.
I no longer want to live my life just doing… trying… striving.
Make me a Mary who rests at Your feet…with Your heart in me…
Listening to your voice… my heart beating as one with You…
Doing only that which You give me to do.
Let Your Holy Spirit shed abroad in my heart,
The very heart of the one Who is Love.
Transform me Father, with that Heart…. your heart…
That only His Life may be seen.
Truly He must increase…and I must decrease.
Take my heart that I might have… your heart instead.
It truly is what I long for… with all my heart.
I am a man… that is… after
Your own heart