another long nite…

…and the nite did go  very very slowly…. no sleep again yet one more time… hoping for a breakthrough tonight…. I feel mostly like I’m just  plain old tired!    🙂

Was very excited yesterday, when Ellen  came back  from the Lake Cottage with my 40 year old  copy of   “Don’t Waste Your Sorrows”.  The timing for this is pretty good what with all that  is happening  and all that  is not happening  right now. If I can wake up enough tomorrow to focus,  I may just get started…  I expect to  discover  a whole bunch of neat things. When I first read this book I was a totally different person   than I am today.

40 years  is a long time … with thousands more of experiences with the Lord where He has  changed me  year after year after year…  I went thru this kind of thing when Bodie  re-introduced me  to  T. Austin Sparks... one of my  “Deeper Life” authors… way back in the beginning of the  bookstore..  Sparks was part of the reason we incorporated a 501c3 non-profit as   Deeper Life, Inc.   Then Bodie helped me  get rid  of those old religious glasses  I always wore… and I looked at the same words… words I had been so totally excited about back in 1969… and they meant  something completely different today…. and next year…. and….

I said a little about the book the other day… on July 8th… so… this is going to be fun talking about the differences between then and now as I work my way thru the book…. Hope you will enjoy taking this little journey with me… as I walk back thru the last 40 years…


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Slowly…. slowly…. slowly…. slowly  seems to be His  operating word….  all the time…. every day…  “be still and know…  take no thought for tomorrow…one day is like a thousand years… enter into my rest...”   ok…ok… I get it… I get it…  How come is it then… that Philip is always in  such a hurry  for things to happen…?    That’s a  rhetorical  question.  If you didn’t know that… and you are reading this now thinking it was a real question… I would suggest  back tracking  thru some of the other  4,698  Musings  here….   🙂

He is  in charge… and…  He is  never ever  in a hurry.

Nothing further is happening on the  sale of the house...  health  remains the same… one moment I think He is  healing me… the next moment thinking if I call Dr.Kiely about not being able to breathe, that he’ll  put me back in the hospital… and yet another moment thinking He is on His way to collect me !!!      🙂

I did  lay down  on the couch after lunch today, put my feet up and   totally slept for 2 hours….  my first actual  sleep   in the past 4 days.  Wonder what is going to happen when  I go upstairs  to bed in about an hour….?     hmmmmm…

We shall see….. said the blind man… whatever it is  that happens… most likely it will  happen…. slowly….


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getting closer…

This week will be our last  “busy week”  for the B&B… when  next weekend  is gone… there will be only 28 days left till  shutdown… and  only 8 of those days  will Philip need to get up to cook some breakfasts… !!!!

My personal  yo/yo  yay/boo  health situation has caused me to wonder  several times  if I would be able to even  handle  the few breakfasts we have left.  My  huffy/puffys are  really weird  and continue to keep me in  deep conversations  with the Lord.  Then last night… I thought for sure that  the Lord had healed me… I was breathing like a  normal person  again…all night long…. this after  3 nights in a row  with no sleep at all…

I put my feet up in the morning before taking my shower… and this  wheezy thingy  came all over me like a flood… I struggled  to breathe  just like most days.  Managed to get thru serving the breakfast… then went up for my next feet up session … it was about  as bad as it gets… again… more deep conversation with the Lord… more wondering what this one is all about.

Fortunately I have this incredible  wife  who encourages me and loves on me all the time… then a visit just before lunch from  my buddy  John Turner… more encouragement… then another friend Kenny, who also  blogs,  sent out his latest posting… ending with this:

“Today, focus on who Jesus is. Give thanks that only Jesus, who rescued us from sin and death, is able to give us true joy and fulfillment.”

This quickly reminded me of the  4,698 times  I have talked about the  imposters  of winning/losing – triumph/tragedy – etc/etc…. then added … healed/not healed

The spirit of discouragement that had been jumping all around me during the day… left… and I was full of His joy again.


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how many times…?

I wonder  how many times  Philip has talked about how his  natural man  needs to be put thru the  death process… how pride is the  very essence  of our humanity… that thing in me that would  “be as God”.

So what happens?   I get an email from my friend  Bodie, forwarding a newsletter from a friend of his, who is talking about just finding a book at a neighborhood rummage sale… a book that he had first read 40 years ago…. he re-read it and had to write about it.

The book was titled “Don’t Waste Your Sorrows” by Paul Billheimer… a book that Philip had read when it was first published back in 1977… (hmmmm… that was 40 years ago)….   🙂

This was a quote his friend took from the book… I’ve said before how much I enjoy finding people who agree with me…  🙂   I will be saying more in my next posting…   🙂

“Self-centeredness is the very essence of sin and misery and results in self-destruction. It is the core of hostility, and hostility is the…hallmark and essence of hell…In bringing the individual into the likeness of His Son, God must decentralize him.”
“Sometimes, to suffer failure is the only way one can be decentralized. Sometimes the suffering of adversity, catastrophic disaster, and utter loss is necessary to produce meekness, compassion, and selflessness…
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of boxes and things…

No matter  what size box  I tried to fit God into (none of which  ever did contain Him)…  I still kept on trying  for about  40 years … to  find the right box… I mean… that is what my  natural man   is all about… if I can fit Him into  my box  then what the snake said in the Garden is true… I will be as God… knowing good and evil.  Every box I ever put together made Philip  right  and the rest of Christianity  wrong…  Philip  became the person  who decided what was right and what was wrong.   It was Philip’s box… it contained all the truth  about how God works  in people’s lives.

Our Father loves us… He is the  onliest one  who knows exactly how to  reach me... and the  onliest one  who knows exactly  how to reach  all the others out there that He sent His Son to die for…  each of God’s  totally unique  snowflakes… none of us  the same…  He reaches each of us  differently.   Of course… Philip knows  exactly how God reached him… which Philip quickly translates into  “this is the way God works with all of humanity”…   NOT…!!!!!

He simply  reveals Himself  the way  He knows  will speak to each specific heart.  Sorry that it took me  so long  to get to this point… (which is the  beginning  by the way – not the end)….  it  never  ends…

Anyway, this is the reason that Philip just   “tell his stories”... they are stories about all the different ways that  Father has revealed Himself  to Philip… the stories about Philip’s  experiences… Philip’s  journey  into more and more of Him…. no more boxes


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staying positive…

Ellen has been challenging this old fella to write about the  positive  things that are happening out there… not the negative  things…  sounds like good advice….  🙂

So… I will basically leave the  channeling thing  alone…and not go after anything that is a part of that  other spirit world …  but…. with a very strong suggestion to stay away from all the different ways  people dabble  in that spirit world… there are many of them… any involvement in any way at all… really messes people’s lives up…  big time.

Much better to simply walk with the  Holy Spirit  and follow  His  inspirations, guidance and directions… where we can discover more and more about our Father and His wonderful Son.. as well as Their  eternal purpose and plan  for our lives….

Often times that  plan  involves long periods of simply  waiting on Him  to act… waiting on Him to bring about  the next step  in the journey…  to arrange the circumstances…and His perfect timing.

We are presently involved in one of those  waiting periods…  just enjoying each other, family and friends… as well as  each next step  in this exciting journey called… life...

Now that is certainly much more positive than Philip talking on and on about all the  horrors  that come from involvement with that  other spirit world


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more like 3 days off…. :)

Philip is really not used to  taking days off.… much less  three  in a row!!!!  After the big birthday bash on  7/2… there was the actual birth-day  7/3… followed by everybody who was at  Shadow Lake  coming down to  Morrisville  to watch the big  4th of July Parade  here… then  every one of us  heading back to Shadow Lake for a big cookout hosted by Ellen’s buddy Beverly and her husband Stewart from NH…   Like I said… this lifestyle of enjoying family and friends is not normal for the Philipmeister….   🙂

I would have loved to  engage  in some conversation about the stuff rattling thru my head about how God  did not  dictate the bible… how  He did not  take over the writer’s bodies/souls/spirits  and do some kind of   “automatic writing thingy”  … but… that conversation never happened…. at least till now…  I gotta say very simply that God gives each one of us  free will  and will never  force us  to do anything… much less  put words  in our mouths that we have no control over.

He  inspires  us… He  speaks  to our hearts…  we experience  Him… and in that process we learn to  hear His voice… but Philip is still Philip… exactly where Philip is today… where Philip is  today  on his  journey  into God… growing and learning and changing every day… I’ve talked about all this before…. but… let me throw another word out there that God  never, never, ever  does…  do you know this word…?    it is   “channeling”… and this is what it means.

“The practice of channeling — a person’s body being taken over by a spirit for the purpose of communication — has been around for millennia. There are countless stories of shamen, witch doctors, prophets and others who claim to hear voices or receive some supernatural knowledge from the spirit world. Channelers, also sometimes known as psychic mediums, often use what are called “spirit guides,” friendly spirits who give them knowledge and help them on their spiritual journeys.”

Somehow…. I don’t think I am finished talking about this… quite yet….


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